Hello, Old Friend

Wow! It's been awhile! You look fantastic- did you lose weight?

Okay, so it's been a LONG time since I've written a word. My brain needed to take a bit of a hiatus, as there were many MANY things going on inside (my brain, that is). Recently I was asked to write a guest post on a friend's blog and it got me thinking, "Gee, I haven't seen my blog for awhile, I wonder how it's doing?".

We've discussed many topics, you and I, and I have no idea where this wordy relationship of ours is going. But for today, for this moment, we will just enjoy our reunion.

I'd love to hear from any of my followers (all two of you). Please let me know what you would like for me to write about next!

Are Our Feet A Method of Transportation?

In responding to an opinion page letter in the newspaper, a thought occurred to me. It seems that the Department of Transportation does not think of pedestrians as often as they should. Think about this for a moment: they rebuild streets and highways, they regulate all which is related to vehicular transport.
On the DOT website, under the heading "What We Do" you can see their mission statement:

The mission of the Department is to:

Serve the United States by ensuring a fast, safe, efficient, accessible and convenient transportation system that meets our vital national interests and enhances the quality of life of the American people, today and into the future.

Now I don't know about you, but I'm not entirely certain this qualifies as informative. Having read that mission statement, can you tell what they do? Naw, me either.

The opinion letter I was responding to was discussing a new bridge that was built by the DOT in McLean, NY. The idea of the new bridge was to build it with an extended guardrail so that if a car lost control on the bridge it would not land in the creek. However the pedestrian walkway on the bridge is on the wrong side of the rail, thusly dooming any pedestrians who are in the wrong place at the wrong time to either a grisly end, or a bit of a leap out of the way (landing said pedestrian where? In the creek.)

It dawned on me at this point, the DOT doesn't consider our feet to be a method of transportation. This is startling, since they were indeed the FIRST mode of transport. And they continue to be a free way to get around. So why is it that this regulatory department does nothing to ensure the "safe, accessible, efficient and convenient" transportation of the citizens of this country via their own two feet?

Think about it; if the DOT was to consider pedestrians, they would be responsible for the care and maintenance of all city sidewalks, ensuring that every single corner was handicap-accessible (look around, only a percentage of the corners have ramps). They would be at fault if a sidewalk was in disrepair, and it could fall to homeowners and businesses to report the faulty sidewalks to the DOT.

Suddenly the tax paying citizens would have more money in their pockets, as they would no longer be stuck with the bill for sidewalk repair. These citizens would be happy to walk to local shopping areas and pedestrian malls, knowing that their travel would be safe and efficient. The money they have saved from sidewalk maintenance would now filter back into the local economy, and everyone is happy!

Okay, so I have ZERO idea how to even get the ball rolling on this idea. Anyone know a senator?

It's the most wonderful time.... for your credit cards

Well, that's it! I thought I had seen it all. I have kids, I've been subject to the seemingly hundreds of thousands of commercials for really absurd toys. But this year, toy manufacturers seem hell-bent on the dumbing-down of America's children.

I bring to the witness stand the following pieces of evidence to support such an outlandish statement:
Item 1: "Tini Puppini", a stuffed dog, or "puppini" if you will, who is wearing makeup, clothing, and even the hottest in canine footwear. See the following photo for further proof:


It should be noted that while doing a Google search, I misspelled Tini (I know, how dare I?) and if you type in Teeni Puppini toys, you will get a list that is very, very naughty indeed.

Item 2: Pixos Super Studio by Spin Master. Keep in mind, this is not by the Spin Doctors, they are a band and would never reduce themselves to making idiotic toys.
The super studio has your otherwise intelligent children plunking down these spheres of varying colors and then spraying them with nothing but ordinary household tap water so they will stick to each other. What's that, you say? Normal tap water causes them to stick? Now, any intelligent parent, and I know you are, might wonder what in the hell are these things made of???? Well, I'm so glad you asked. According to all the information available on the internet, it is magic. That's right, you read it correctly. When you're done reading this blog, I have a bridge to sell you...

Item 3: Girl Gourmet Cupcake Maker. Okay, I'm going to get on my equality kick for a minute. As the parent of two sons who watch nothing but Good Eats with Alton Brown on the Food Network, I have to take exception to this. In the decade we are in, do we truly need to keep specifying which gender can play with which toys??



Item 4: all of the baby dolls on the market that eat, drink, pee, and poop. Have they made one yet that spits up? I'm not sure. But that whole category irritates me.

Item 5: Aloha Elvis . Okay, it's not really dumb, but do you know ANY kid who wants this??


Item 6: Wild Quest Gorilla Tracking Playset. Yup. Just in case your kids weren't sufficiently happy tracking their younger siblings, they can now track and catch a fake gorilla. This set comes with: one gorilla, one action figure, one power light, one vehicle, one net, six accessories.

Well, as much as I could keep searching and finding absolutely absurd toys for the effective dumbing down of my children, I have decided that my time may be better served with other pursuits. Enjoy your Christmas shopping, folks, and remember, no matter what is under the tree for your kids, they almost always have more fun with the packaging. Save yourself some time, and wrap a gigantic empty cardboard box instead. The fort-building possibilities are endless.

Merry Christmas.